"ASPEN: God Please let my car start" part 23Well for some time since my arrival in Aspen I became part of this weekly Monopoly game held at an Aussie buddy of mines cabin named "Geoff". Geoff's little cabin was this pretty shabby brown log shack 2 doors over from the St Moritz hostel. Cabin came complete with towels under the door and around each window to stop the drafts from coming in. And Geoff's girlfriend "Karen" never stopped complaining about it. Actually we believed that complaining was Karen's main mission in life. We couldn't figure out why Geoff let her live there. But Geoff said it best.
Geoff: Well mate I went without my turn for two seasons in a row here. She may be a pain, but she has a heartbeat.Ahh the male skibum saga. We will put up with anything from a women just to keep steady sex and most importantly the company around while it lasts. LOL So anyway on this Monopoly night we had basically the standard crew. Clay, Sherri, Hal, Geoff's bi!chy girlfriend Karen, Geoff and moi. I always took the top hat. Loved that little piece and had great luck with it.
Now our games would start at 6:30 and ended at 9pm sharp each friday then we headed out to the Paradise bar afterwards because I would get them in for free with free beer. For our weekly game we had the standard food and beaverages. 5 Tony's frozen pizza's, a case of "Shafer" very cheap piss water beer, this gigantic bong of Geoff's called the punisher, with a bowl the size of a teacup always packed to the brim with weed. Needless to say that it wasn't very often that we completed a game sober. Most often I won actually. I had an undefeated streak of 5 games in a row once. Sherri was the worst player of the bunch. She would be bankrupt within an hour usually. Mostly because that bong always seemed to stay way to close to her. By the time the night was over she was speaking like some 60 year old aunt from Brooklyn that smokes 2 packs of lucky strikes a day from the "Punisher".
So the game plays on and it is down to Geoff and I as usual. Sherri left with Hal about 10 minutes after she went bankrupt. That's when I found out from Clay that Hal and Sherri decided it was each others turn about 4 days ago. I wondered what friggen took so long. I knew those two sex monkeys were hot for each other for about 3 weeks now. Funny thing was Sherri was like a sister to me. We had great conversations about sex. Sherri liked handcuffs, but not to be used on her if you know what I mean. They were for you. She was the bloody energizer bunny on top with you locked down in her cuffs. Sherri will keep going, and going, and going, and going. Bwahahahahahahaha
So finally Geoff landed on my monoply properties of Illinois, Kentucky, and Indiana with hotels on each. He was done for. So we were getting ready to leave when I noticed this snowboard behind his door. It was a Burton snowboard about 180cm in length. Nose came to a point and the tail was a split design. It had the basic bindings close to what is used today, but you had to wear your Sorel winter boots back then because snowboard boots weren't invented yet. And those Sorel winter boots didn't offer alot of support either.
So Geoff was telling me about his Sorel boot problems. I suggested he cut some of the cuffs out of an old pair of Raichle boots and attach it to the outside of his boots. Easy enough for Geoff to do since he worked at Cristy Sports part time. Anyway Geoff said he was going to Aspen Highlands the next day to ride it. Asked if I would come along. I couldn't wait to go and give it a try. Geoff wore the same size shoe as I did so we both used his sorels and switched out midway through the day. Besides as a kid I had this kind of snowboard with a rope that you hung onto to so you could stear the darn thing. It was pretty rad for little old Defiance, Ohio at old man "Bookmasters" hill. Should be just as easy to ride Geoff's board as when I was a kid right? NOT!
The day started off not the greatest. I sat at Geoff's apt for 30 minutes inside while Karen did nothing but gripe and complain at Geoff. Over little stupid crazy things. Karen was litterly there yelling at the poor guy because he didn't fold his towel to her liking after he took his shower an hour earlier.
Karen: Geoff how many times do I have to tell you. When you are done using your towel you are to fold it and put it back on the shelf.
Geoff: Oh righty. Fold a towel that is bleeding soaking wet so it can't dry and then get's all moldy. Maybe that is why your brain is mush. It's because you got wet towel fungus clogging that spider web up there.Well after watching that entertainment for an eternity Geoff and I get in my trusty ford escort and head to highlands. Geoff looked like he was ready to bite a bullet. You could see his jaw muscles just tighten as the seconds ticked by.
Me: Woe Goeff man no women is worth that. Getting psyco over towels. Is the sex so good to put up with that. She doesn't even help you pay for rent or food. Seriously man I would rather die of hand cramps from wacking off to much than deal with that. I'm sorry man, but I've been sitting by long enough. You need to get rid of that pain.Then Karen came back out and started in on him again, before she left to go to wherever in the hell she went to each day. Nobody really knew. Found out later she was a mule for the City Managers cocaine operation. She would fly to Denver everyday and then fly back again doing a pickup. That's how she made her money. Geoff didnt' even know. And she made more money than all of use put together and she was mooching off of Geoff. Poor guy!
So Karen left and we pulled into Highlands 5 minutes later. About 8" of fresh had fallen up top. We didn't worry about going OB. We were both about to get slaughtered riding this Burton board for the first time in our lives. Maybe the last time in our lives for that matter. My money would be on last time in our lives of doing anything.
Now back then Highlands was the locals mtn. Skico didn't own it yet. No highspeed quads. Just old slow chairs to the best skiing in Aspen. And the mtn was empty since it was only maybe 5F outside with light winds and falling snow. Weather like that chases the tourists off of the mtn. My favorite days of skiing are those days.
So basically we stayed on the blue runs off of what is now the Cloud Nine Express quad. Fun cruisers, and with the fresh snow it was great. Only problem was I was skiing and having to stop and wait for Geoff to collect himself. And Geoff was collecting himself alot. You know the movie called "SNO-WHAT" with Glen Plake. Well there is this one segment with a snowboarder that is crashing and burning everwhere called "Cookie McSwede". Well Goeff was doing his best to become Cookie that day. But more like Cookie Monster than anything else in his attempts for the first few runs atleast.
Funny thing though after about 3 runs Geoff was doing really well. So well he was almost keeping up with me. Noticed I typed "almost keeping up with me". We were actually gasing some laps off the chair at a pretty good clip. So now it was my turn to learn to snowboard from the school of crash and burn. So back down to the parking lot we go.
Geoff switched into his skis and boots. I put on what were now Geoff's extremely wet, sweaty, smelly, and friggen cold Sorel snowboots with skiboot parts ducttaped to the outside for support. A frozen popcycle feet site I was riding the chairlift up. Then falling when getting off of the chairlift. And then repeating 2 more times of falling off of chairlifts when unloading before we got to the gun barrel trail.
So Geoff gives me his expert advice on what he learned about not crashing and dying on this thing. So off I go. And promptly fell before even traveling 5 friggen feet. Oh Joy! It's going to be a great afternoon for me. So I get up again and fall again, and again, and again, and again. "Enough already God this isn't funny anymore"
So after a few runs I'm getting the hang of it and having a good time. So Geoff and I decide to take a break and smoke a joint. About half way into our joint in the trees off of Grand Prix I start telling Geoff about my favorite Disney movie. I know what you are thinking: "TJ why are you thinking about a Disney movie here?"
You see the movie was called "Snowball Express". It is the story about this family man who inherits this little ski lodge and hill. Drags his family there to turn it around. Poor schmuck ends up skiing with this banker fella to try and get a loan. Problem though. He has never skied before in his life. He ends up skiing the entire way down backwards in the most hysterical switch stunt skiing sequence I've ever seen. So I explained to Geoff about this and we had a good laugh. It was funny I promise. I guess you just had to be there and stoned like we were.
Just then the sun came out a bit and we headed off for one more run. Problem though. About 3 turns into the run I hit some chop and it spun me around hard. So hard and fast is spun me around that I'm now riding backwards going about 30mph with no way to stop going right towards the trees next to Willys. Yep I think I'm going to get "Snowball Expressed" bigtime!
to be cont